9th Green At 9:00 – Top Golfers to Party With

Happy Gilmore Beer Bong Party

Justin Thomas rated the bros on vaca giving Smylie Kaufman the MVP. Now that's a true Gilmore over McGavin upset- Smylie, the MVP. It brings up the age old question- who would you most want to party with? Without further ado, the golfers you most want to party with (and you might not even know it).

 

Smylie Kaufman

MVP of the Bahamas trip? Check. SEC school? Check. Still young? Check. Smylie will be gaining a lot of fans after the Bahamas trip, and I am sure to be one of them. You might be wondering, why does Smylie need to be young, PG? I need to party with someone who won’t be “tuckered out” at 9:30 and slip off to bed. Tailgate at LSU with Smylie and the boys sounds like a grand ole time. He’s gotta have some connects too. Maybe Jamarcus Russell shows up… eh, starting to rethink this Smylie pick.

 

Tiger Woods

The richest man on tour may also have one of the top party resumes on tour. My only concern partying with Eldrick is that I wouldn't be cool enough to hang with his crew. Lot of pressure there. The call girls. Country stars/90s stars. Whether it's his 40th birthday or he just filled his tank with gas, Tiger's gonna celebrate dammit. People can bash Tiger all they want. Have you seen Wolf of Wall Street? Rich people don't give a shit what you think.

https://i2.wp.com/static1.businessinsider.com/image/4d232ea9ccd1d59d2e0d0000-506-253/the-top-celebrity-scandals-of-the-decade-outrageously-reenacted-on-camera-and-video-nsfw.jpg?resize=337%2C253

How about this ridiculous reenactment scene?

 

Jason Dufner

39 years old. A little over-the-hump? Would you rather have a 39 year old Tom Brady or a young Sam Bradford? That's right. Take the legend with a little extra mileage. Duf loves partying and he loves America. Duf put both together for a little 2-for-1 action. You gotta pay double the admission at most places. Dufner's a man of the people. Packing lips. Out of shape. Hot ex-wife. America. Dufner is the man we all aspire to be.

 

K.J. Choi

Come on. Can't you picture him just being hilarious. The older guy with the great stories. The center of attention with a group of the younger guys huddled around him cracking up. Not to mention the sake making an appearance. You think "Tank" really earned his nickname on the golf course?

 

Graeme McDowell

How can you not have an authentic Irishman on the list? Here he is. Shane Lowry gives Graeme a run for his money, but I'm going with the experienced McDowell. David Feherty, when he was drinking, would be a great pick. Let's face it, any Irishman would do. They don't even have to golf. 

 

Dustin Johnson

Is he clean now? Beats me but I wouldn’t mind finding out. Dusty really makes a case for himself if the Great One and the Great One's father shows up. Toss mama Gretzky in there too. Not really sure if were even drinking anymore. I kinda just wanna party with the Gretzkys I guess.

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Pants that tell a story?

 

Billy Horschel

Those horrendous pants tell a story… or they’re a cry for help. I’m gonna say they tell a story. The story: I dress a like a stupid college kid who loves to booze. Now that’s a story I could get involved with. Not to mention Horschel once said: "I'm not a guy who needs to drink coffee or anything to get myself going in the morning. I wake up, and I'm full of energy." Listen, Billy, you might not drink coffee, but whatever it is, I want in.

 

Charley Hoffman

https://i2.wp.com/golf-info-guide.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Charley-Hoffman-Grip1.jpg?resize=300%2C200

Business in the front… Party in the back

This is a little trick called "bury the lead." When Charley won last night, I almost wrote an emergency blog to talk about how great he is. He flew on my radar a few years back when he won Duetsche Bank in Boston. He and his caddy looked like a couple college kids who snuck on the course.

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Bros with flow

That mullet. Waste Management sponsorship. He's the garbage man. C'mon. Furthermore, Charley absolutely duffed a tee-shot over the weekend. What did he do? He laughed his ass off. That's what Charley does- he laughs at danger. Imagine what he would do at a bar. Finally, Charley's hair reminds me of Harry in Dumb and Dumber. Rule #1: Anytime you can force Dumb and Dumber into a blog, that's your lead.

Dumb and Dumber Harry on Toilet

Just grab ahold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell, Harry

It's time I tag in the rest of the crew and see what they think. Here are the top picks from the BG staff.

John Daly (B Roe)

How could you have this list without adding a guy who has a drink named after him? Daly wears pants with half naked chicks on them— you think this guy stays home on a Friday night to watch porn? Johnny Golf is out partying with the best of em until the sun comes up. I wish Daly was Irish because we’d have the best golf nickname of all time: The Irish Car Bomb.

Phil Mickelson (Neves)

I know what you’re thinking: dad bod, cheery attitude, and sponsored by an arthritis medication. Well you’re dead wrong there. Lefty only puts on this persona to appease the public and keep the media away from his off the course antics. The guy was almost indicted for insider training and has a gambling habit that rivals Charles Barkley. You’ll never catch Phil leaving a club Johnny Manziel frequents, but you will find him in the depths of high end strip club drinking the finest scotch.

Miguel Angel Jimenez (Schank)

Over the hill, but on top of the mountain. Miguel is a saucy Spaniard who picks his spots. He may miss the cut in 70% of the season tournaments, but you know he’ll be coming in revved up for the bright lights of any major tournament. Miguel owns the sneakiest nickname on tour. He is well known as “The Mechanic” for his taste of high-performance vehicles, one being his red Ferrari. His longevity in the game of golf is becoming legendary, but it’s simply from “good food, good wine, good cigars, and some exercise”. I bet he has a couple fat Cubans nestled in the side pocket of his golf bag.

 

Now let's arbitrarily rank which presidential candidates would be best to golf with

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