Tee Time Drinking Strategy

Horrible Bosses Drinking Scotch in the morning

The Effect of Tee Time on Drinking Style

There are a number of reasons to love the game of golf. For many it’s a chance to enjoy a beautiful day with your pals, maybe get away from that cell they call a cubicle, or perhaps some time away from your wife or girlfriend. If you happen to be a degenerate like the staff here at Brofessional Golfer, then drinking is most likely the main reason why you love golf. Day drinking is one of America's greatest pastimes and any excuse to do so, makes me more excited than a college freshman hitting the titty bar for the first time. Your tee off time directly relates to how aggressively you can drink on the course. Let’s take a deeper look at how your tee time affects your drinking strategy.


The Morning Round

Preparation is key when teeing off in the morning. You better make a beer run the night before or else you'll be swindled by the cart girl when you have to buy beer on the course. I don’t care how hot the cart girl is, I’m not shelling out $6 for a canned Corona. Slipping a little whiskey into your coffee is always a sneaky way to incorporate hard liquor into your repertoire and start the day right. Teeing off early is very similar to dining at a fine establishment like Golden Corral. Sure you can load up on ribs your first time through, but you will end up feeling like shit quickly.  What I’m trying to say is, teeing off early is a marathon not a sprint. Don’t try to be a hero. Slugging six beers before the turn will negatively affect your play and if you plan on hitting the bars later, you may be in for a rough night.


The Afternoon Round

If you tee off in the afternoon be sure to pack an excessive amount of beer. Unlike teeing off in the morning, you can really get after it here. If you’re not sufficiently buzzed by the time you hit the turn, you’re a jabroni. Is that hangover still lingering from the previous night? Guzzle down a couple brews in the first few holes and you’ll be feeling like Tiger on Sunday in no time.  However be wary of the threshold, as you want to avoid becoming too hammered and ruining your score. The afternoon tee time also provides ample opportunity to hit the 19th hole after your round before you slime to the bars for the night.


The Twilight Round

When teeing off at 3pm or later, come out guns blazing like an absolute savage. Treat the round more like a pregame for the night and don’t be afraid to get absolutely trashed early.  Screw pacing yourself, you should be chugging beers at a rate that would make Wade Boggs proud. If you find yourself blacking out after the 13th hole, you’ve had a successful round and you won’t remember those two triple bogeys you got on the past two holes. Here’s a little wisdom from the great John Daly that I think applies here: “I was never able to have three of four beers. One's too many, and ten just ain't enough”. Just make sure you have a designated driver after you stumble off the course because the last thing you want is a DUI after shooting a 109.



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One Response to “Tee Time Drinking Strategy

  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Like your sense of humor, it prepares me for my next round.

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