Staff Stories: The Sandman

Introducing a new addition to our original content here at Brofessional Golfer, Staff Stories depicts real life experiences from our columnists on or around the golf course. Do you want to comically tell tales of your golf adventures? If so, submit some original content (i.e.., Hard Liquor on the Golf Course), if we publish it, you're a columnist by our loose definition of the word and therefore part of the "staff". Regardless of your intentions, welcome to Staff Stories.

The Sandman

Staff Stories 01: The Sandman

Nothing beats ditching the 9-to-5 grind for a day of hitting the links with your pals. Yours truly called out of work on a casual Monday to play 18 holes on a sensational public track 30 minutes or so from our typical neck of the woods.

Not only were we psyched to find an unusually low rate for 18 with a cart at this distinguished golf course, but it was one of their two public shotguns they have each year. For the novices out there, a “shotgun” is when all the participating golfers start at the same time, but at different holes throughout the golf course.

This particular shotgun began at promptly 7:30 am. You bet your ass we had our golf bags stuffed with Miller Lites and even suckled a few on the car ride in. Scummy of us? Probably, but it’s more of a necessity these days.

We were assigned hole 5 as our starting hole and to my dismay there was no physical shotgun fired at the start time nor was there any hootin’ and hollerin’ when everyone took off in golf carts to their respected holes.

I also would have been satisfied if all the participants casually pulled out a beer and proceeded to stoically shotgun said beer, but I was let down again.

Nevertheless, we’re out there and already, the course is taking more than she’s giving. We’re doing our best to save bogey hole in and hole out, but it started looking like a triple digit kind of day. Fast forward to hole 11 (named Whitetail). After slicing one deep into the thicket on the right, I was able to sneak out onto the rough and was looking at 110 to the flag. I kind of blacked out from here on, but I believe I grabbed the trusty 56 degree and smacked my Callaway a mile in the air. After I stumble back from the hill I was on, I see the ball plop on the green, bounce twice, and dunk in the bottom of the cup. Hysteria ensues as this was easily a top 5 shot of my life. Thought I was clearly king of the day after that hole-out.

We all hack away the next few holes and arrive at hole 16 (named Fortress, which is pretty dope for a par 3 with bunkers protecting the green, if you will). Nate Dogg (one of our newer columnists on the block) is teeing off. Today, he decides to sport some neon Mojo golf balls. Literally the most vibrant fucking golf balls I’ve ever witnessed.

Nike Mojo Multi-color Golf Balls - Golfsmith

Nate has a consistent golf game. 9 times out of 10, he consistently hits the ball dead right. No fade, no slice, just straight right. This causes him more harm than good. So as you can probably guess, he steps up and spanks his ball dead right straight into a green side bunker. If you’ve read his first column, you can imagine Nate is a fiery golfer. He is also a ginger which is funny in its own right.

He angrily saunters over to his neon green Mojo, digs his Footjoys deep in the sand, and does a half little jib swing with full intent to hit the ball…Strike fucking one. A literal swing-and-a-miss in the bunker. Did he hit a tiny bit of sand? More than likely, but we are far from straight edge golfers. One of our buddies yells, “Bro, full swing, 3 inches behind the ball”. A quick nod by Nate and he realigns himself in the sand. The neon Mojo then launches out of the bunker like a pinball, kisses the green, and plops in the bottom of the cup. An unbelievable shot by a player not known for his sand game. Was some of my thunder stolen? Yes, but a 110 yard dime still beats a 15 foot sand save. We dapped it up, but I still knew I was just better than him at life in general at that very moment.

About 15 minutes later we are scurrying up to hole 18 called “Trust In” which is super lame for an 18th hole. Call it like “Blood Sucker” or “Deathtrap”. I want to be almost pissing my pants in fear when approaching the tee box, not trusting that the hole will bring me in to the clubhouse…

Nate takes a low iron here with intent on playing it safe and sure enough pokes it dead right into the bordering tree line. Using a blue neon Mojo this time, he claims he sees it nestled about 7 feet in the woods. No reason not to believe the kid playing such an outlandish ball color. He punches out onto the fairway about 135 away from the pin with bunkers on the right. You know what happens next. That Mojo lands in the right side trap almost pressed up against the lip about 6 feet from the pin. Brutal. Fucking. Lie. The only logical play is to aim for the middle of the green and two-putt for double bogey. But not the Sandman. Not today. The ball shoots up, lands on the fringe, and rolls ever so slowly while hunting for that cup. It drops.

To this day, the most pro-like shot I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Most people will argue that to master anything in life, it takes lots of hard work. I beg to differ my friend. Just ask the Sandman.

Nate Dogg “The Sandman” – Forever enshrined in the hacker’s hall of fame.

 

If you want to know where we booked the unusually low rate, click here.

If you want those neon Mojo golf balls (you do), click here.

 

Image via Here

One Response to “Staff Stories: The Sandman

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I call bluff on this one. I won't believe this until I see Sweet Swinging Sandman make a sandsave myself. 

     

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