How to Pick Up Chicks at the Driving Range

Driving Range, Golf Balls, and Picking Up Chicks

At the end of the day golf is all about getting your balls in that hole. It doesn't matter what stick you use, or the grip on the shaft…if that ball goes in you win.

You can't just step up to the tee on the first hole and think you're gonna get an ace. Unless you're Ron Jeremy because that guy was hitting with a Driver. Practice makes perfect for the rest of us gentlemen who don't have a garden hose for a wiener.

You have to practice properly…here's how you do it:

No Glove No Love:

Sure ladies want a rugged man, but if your hands are covered in blisters and puss there is no fucking way you're going to be fixing her divots.

Chicks Dig the Long Ball:

Nobody stands around the range bragging about their short game. Go big or go home. Chicks dig the long ball. Pull out your goddamn driver and go to town. Sure you need to work on your irons, but that can wait until the lady goes home.

If for some reason some Michelle Wie-esque broad comes in and starts driving it 300+ off the tee just get the hell out of there, because the only shaft she's ever grabbed is the one in her bag.


In 2016 half of your golf game is swag. Rickie Fowler would be someone you would want to shove into a locker if he didn't have that perfect flat brim hat and matching pants. Know what you can pull off. Make sure your club covers are on point and your khakis are ironed. Wrinkled clothes mean you can't take care of yourself so how is she going to expect you to take care of her boobs?

Look like the weekend athlete that you are and wear some Oakleys. Raybands are for the beach bro. Oh you're wearing cargo shorts? I'm surprised you're going to a driving range since you're usually at a playground offering children candy.

The Approach:

"Wanna start a foursome?"

"9 holes and chill?"

"My driver isn't actually my longest club"

"I'm stuggling out here because I'm used to only aiming for holes"

"My stroke is pure"

"I'd love to see your private club"

"I'd love to be a Tiger in your Woods"

"How's my approach"

"Lucky for you I don't have a handicap"

"Just finished a round…Wanna be my 19th hole today?"

"Just got these stiff shafts…whaddya think?"

Follow these few steps and you're be teeing off in her room that night. Just remember…it's all in the hips.





Image via Youtube


Trackbacks & Pings

  • Paired Up Scenarios - Brofessional Golfer :

    […] I had to save the absolute best pairing for last as this is a gift from God himself. Whether it be recent grads or cougars, getting paired with smoke-shows is the pinnacle of golf pairings and is as close to golf heaven as you can get without actually playing a foursome at Augusta National with Paula Creamer, Natalie Gulbis, and Holly Sonders. Single or taken, there is something to be said about playing a round with beautiful looking women who can hold their own on the scorecard. Even if they open up a can of whoop-ass on you, you kind of just respect it. Now with this stage, comes great responsibility. You can’t muck it up out there like you do every so often. It’s imperative that you play a respectable round and display a level of confidence on the links no matter what. You need to assume they are single and focus on planting that seed (not literally you savage) anyway possible. God came down from Heaven to bestow these magnificent creatures on you so act like Eminem and make the most of your one shot and one opportunity by exchanging digits toward the end of the back 9. If you need more time, make a wager going into hole 18 that the loser buys drinks at the 19th hole. Lose the bet on purpose and turn into Mariano Rivera and close. If these females are taken, proceed with best judgment, but also remember that their boyfriends are probably Sergio Garcia fans. Ask yourself, what would vintage Tiger Woods do? (WWVTWD). If all else fails, there is always the driving range. […]

    2 years ago
  • Opening Round Expectations on the Golf Course - Brofessional Golfer :

    […] It’s the single day of the year that rivals Christmas, and it’s the closest you’ll get to that joyous feeling back in ’96 when you tore open a new Nintendo 64. If you live in the unforgiving tundra that is New England, where Mother Nature is more psychotic than your ex, then you’re lucky if you get to tee off in March. Hopefully you were able to sneak to the driving range before hand and maybe get a couple digits. […]

    2 years ago

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