Guide to Golfing Before Work

Sunrise on the Golf Course

For the majority of us casual golfers, the 9-to-5 grind merely means less time on the links. We do everything in our power to take advantage of each weekend or “slice of freedom” that we have. Sometimes the weekend just doesn’t provide enough time to bask in the luscious green meadows of your local golf course. The term “weekend hacker” describes the 9-to-5 golfer who doesn’t improve his or her golf skills due to lack of time and focus on the links.

If I’m only golfing every weekend, there is about a 2% chance that I improve any aspect of my game. Not only is it just not enough swings, but accompanied with an abundance of alcohol, the golf game gets worse before it gets better (or it gets better before it gets worse if you stay within your beer threshold).

I’d like to introduce my fellow comrades to the idea of golfing before work. The older folks reading this may already have dipped their feet in this experience, but as a recent post-grad who sampled a pre-work round of nine, I’d like to share some of my key takeaways:

 

1. Wake up no more than 15 minutes before you leave

  • You don’t want to be sitting around waiting to leave because you set your alarm clock way too early. Contemplating life at an early hour like this is dangerous as your brain is half asleep. Yes, you made the right decision dumping your last girlfriend, do not text her.
  • Do the bare minimum needed to get ready and/or have your golf attire laid out the night before
  • Do not take a dump. Too risky. Personally, my toilet time ranges from 5 minutes to 45 minutes. Not worth it, bro.

 

2. Chug a water and eat something

  • Chug a water as soon as you arise or as soon as you arrive at the course
  • I can guarantee that the shitty groundskeeper didn’t fill up the water jugs yet
  • Being dehydrated will fuel your irrational emotions when you shank your opening tee shot in the woods.
  • You’re also going to need some substance in your body. No need to go overboard here, but being awake this early will make you want to hate everyone around you. You’re not you when you’re hungry.

 

3. Have enough golf balls

  • This should go without saying, but nothing will break a man’s spirit more than waking up stupid early, arriving at the course on time, and then finding out that the Pinnacle he just lined into the pond was his only ball he had in his bag.
  • You can always revitalize those scummy golf balls that sit in a shoe box in your garage:

 

4. Don’t bring alcohol

  • I may be impeached as “President” of Brofessional Golfer for this, but I cannot in my most rational judgment, advocate for alcohol before the 9-to-5 grind.
  • We do a lot of degenerate things here but drinking at 6 am before you have to clock in is beyond our degenerate jurisdiction.
  • Now, an exception to this recommendation, would be if you have a stealthy work from home type gig. If that’s the case, pre-load a couple screwdrivers and mimosas and blast off young grasshopper!

 

5. Keep an eye on the clock

  • If you can sit your fat ass on a golf cart, that’s the ideal methodology here, but not every course allows for carts this early as course maintenance is usually being done.
  • If you’re walking, foursomes beware. A lot of singles go out early and will play through you whether you like it or not. Not to mention, your pace of play will have a higher chance of being inhibited by someone in your foursome having a “bad” day.
  • Do not underestimate course length especially if you are walking. A front or back nine that has a couple 500+ par 5’s may not be the best option for you typical weekend hackers.

 

6. Be weary of current slumps

  • Nothing sucks more than waking up insanely early and sucking a fat one out on the links.
  • You won’t have beer to calm the nerves and you’re probably walking meaning you have a long time to reflect on that abominable tee shot you shanked 200 yards left.
  • Remember, you still have that soul-sucking 9-to-5 job after this. Your time to get angry has only just begun, my friend.

 

The biggest takeaway I personally had after golfing before work was that I’m a real asshole when soberly playing lousy golf. Maybe I’m just a real asshole when sober in general? Playing golf before work may have opened the door for a self-intervention…I think I need a beer.

 

Trackbacks & Pings

  • Guide to Golfing After Work - Brofessional Golfer :

    […] I hope these tips will help you out next time you hit the links after work. If there is one thing I've learned from golfing after the daily grind, it's that even at your worst, golf is the perfect remedy to forget how soul sucking your day was. Now that you are ready to tackle golfing after work, have you ever thought of golfing before work? […]

    11 months ago

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