What Your Golf Apparel Says About You
We all know that the better you look and feel on the golf course, the better you'll play. This actually goes hand in hand with heading to the local bar on a Friday night. If you rock a denim jacket to the bar, it’s pretty evident that you only plan on bringing back recently divorced redneck cougars over the age of 50. If that’s your thing, that’s your thing.
Here at Brofessional Golfer, we created a guide on what certain golf apparel says about you when you’re out there hacking away on the links each weekend:
The Sponsored Look
If you’re paired with a golfer that is decked head to toe in high end name brand apparel, there is a high likelihood they are a pretentious douche. You’ll usally find these snobs congregating at private courses. Dude, nobody gives a shit if the NASDAQ is down, just hit the damn ball. You’ll find that this look is popular amongst your typical "Mr. USGA" golfers. Expect to be judged harshly by this golfer and granted zero mulligans throughout the round. Oh and expect to be looked down upon for every beer you guzzle down while golfing with this asshole.
The argyle sweater wearing golfer is a dying breed and quite frankly a sneaky choice of apparel. The argyle sweater vest is even more versatile. This golfer more often than not maintains a textbook dad bod and gives zero fucks about what other golfers think. If you rock an argyle sweater, you’re far from a scratch golfer. But to reiterate, when you look good you play good.
If you see a golfer wearing jeans may God have mercy on their soul. This golfer should be taken out back and shot like ole yeller. However, if the jeans have been carefully crafted into jorts, then you are in for a hell of a round. This golfer usually has at least six Busch Lights crammed into their bag and you’re gonna respect that every time.
The definition of a squid, probably named Craig or Trevor. Seriously, cargo shorts dude? Just get the hell off the course for Christ’s sake.
Although not your typical choice of apparel, you have to tip your cap to the golfer that rocks a Hawaiian. Easily the most laid back golfer you will encounter and their style of play reflects that. Their par putt burned the edge? They don’t give a shit because they’re wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt that flawlessly hides their beer gut. Even if they drink Bud Light Limes, it’s acceptable to grant them amnesty.
I’m not sure how to analyze this one. They could either be the biggest bro you’ll ever meet or the biggest jabroni. If they acknowledge the fact that they are wearing knickers, they are the latter. You better be an above average golfer if you choose knickers or else you look like a complete jackass. If you hit less than 15 GIRs, your ability to rock knickers should clearly be revoked.
You know who wears a visor on tour? Ian Poulter. No further explanation needed. (Unless you have "crazy" flow) – edited by Schank
It goes without saying that the bro tank is the apparel of choice for a brofessional golfer. Sure the starter will give you a death stare and probably kick you off the course, but fuck him. It’s far from traditional and that’s what we need in this country. It doesn’t matter if you're an awful golfer, when you don the bro tank people tend to notice and your confidence is naturally boosted. There’s a reason Rickie and the boys rocked bro tanks during spring break 2016. #makegolfgreatagain
Need to spice up your wardrobe now? Look no further than the official Brofessional Golfer Store